I am grateful for Nature

Today I focus on being a completely loving, caring individual who emanates Love

I am strong

*

I want to love you but I better not touch

I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop

I want to kiss you but I want it too much

I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison...

Alice Cooper - Poison

"I should have turned back

I should have known better

Than to walk away defeated

I'll say it tonight,

I'll say it forever

And this time I really swear I mean it"

*

ava - good day

I can't sleep

Because there's alcohol in my veins

I can't breathe

Until I see your face

Please don't think

You are my everything

Look,

I'm just fine without you.

You can see it in my eyes.

Attention is easy to get
And I don't want your love
Anymore
I know you aren't the one for me

So what do I do?
This never was forever
We're not finished yet
And you feel it too

Wake me up
When I can't sleep without you
Make me strong
You're the only thing
That makes me weak

Promises
Promises
promises
I'm not waiting.
Or am I?

You know I don't want to
But I do anyway
Tell me,
What does it all mean?

"Wake me up, from this nightmare"

I feel like I have betrayed myself, I wish that I was someone else, someone better.

The slightest sympathy is a trigger to my tears, that lurk behind my eyelids for their prison break. and for each I let free, it takes a part of me.

My tear-swollen eyes won't open

"I have a ringing in my head
And no one to help me answer it
Even with you close enough to kiss.

Every minute is arranged
Every moment lasts a day
But thinking about it can't help me let go, I know."

Jimmy

So I'm not thinking, distractions are sparse when you permeate my brain-links.
But we both knew it wasn't over.

These words haunt me, shuffle taunts me
.

"You have me still because I'm breathing,
Although it has slowed down.
Please don't cry because I'm leaving.
I hope I see you soon.

Exchange the sunshine for brown eyes and dark skies,
Replace this dull life with you.
I Know it's tomorrow,
She's waiting for something to feel alive.

You know me too well,
She's sorry and I can tell.
Scene missing, fade to black.
You're acting all this out again"

.

"The distance and my hearts to sand
Flowing through the hour glass
Time to let go of all we know and break our hearts in stride.

I need you now more like yesterday
The last day I could see you smile.
For the last time turn out the lights
My life on standby.

So standby and watch
This fall away and fall apart.
Just say that it's over,
It's over and she's gone.
(She's gone)

Don't worry he said,
And she's not coming home.
(She's not coming home)
It's over and she's gone.

The distance and my hearts to sand
Flowing through the hour glass.
I fall to pieces, I can't let go
Of all the times I never said goodbye."

Hawthorne Heights

your pain proves you care

your pain proves you care

so keep that pain there

keep it there

This morning I wrote:

i am not one to chase closure
and if it feels good, it is good.

and

when you're too scared to say you love me
is when it means the most

i hold back for you not for myself

i never thought i would have cause to be sorry
but oh i do

then

love is hard to kill

but i didn't promise you forever

Tonight I took my love away

Can you tell me

You say that love goes anywhere

In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there

When you go, I'll let you be

But you're killing everything in me

-

Jimmy Eat World - Polaris

---

The first step is the hardest

---

"It's easy to find a way to die, you have to find a way to live"

I drove home in the pouring rain. Always gets my mind working overtime. I call it cosy weather,just makes me want to snuggle. It took me forever to get home, not least of all because half of the traffic lights were out, and I maintain that people can't drive in the rain. But beyond the broken-light-traffic, the roads were pretty empty. It was sunny when I left this morning, but as soon as a grey cloud's spotted, people stay at home. It's awfully strange.

It's easy to assume things you would like to think, and thus important in my opinion to stop and ask a neutral person whether or not you're being rational at times. So I do. However I do suspect that oftentimes people give me the answer they know I seek. Who will ever know? You can only ask the question, never guarantee that you get the truth for an answer. I've heard that the way to avoid fatal assumption-making is to ask the truth, but I don't think that it'salways as easy as that, and not because I'm scared, but because people hide the truth, even from themselves sometimes. Well, above and beyond everything else, we can only try do our best.

I have a headache, I never have headaches. Tonight I seem to be on a lot of peoples' minds. I wonder what is causing both phenomenoms. I can't help but believe what I feel with ultimate conviction. I'm happpy, I have managed to escape the prison-cell of my mind, my feetare now on the floor again. It feels good to be grounded, it feels good to be washed clean. It feels good to feel safe again, to feel secure, to feel unshakeable, rooted like the trees I admire so.

Tied to the testing of wills, where my heart breaks and spills
Left to the sight of the sky, in your arms I'm defined
Thrown to the wolves in the minds of your enemies,
in the minds of your enemies
And I'm stone in the eyes of your foolishness

funeral for a friend - juneau

How does the story end?

BATTERED hearts breathe tonight
through one lung
the other cut up
but not floating

her stomach was bloated
but it's only air
he didn't even notice she was there

one look revealed she didn't belong
with kisses thrown
and caught
on sticky sleeves

she was his

hands clasping
fingers grasping
at stability glimpsed but gone
and fall down the stairs

it's early
but tonight
it's a peck a fortune
hidden
and not knowing all that lied just below his skin
she ripped it off.


I am nothing, just a mirror in the palm of your hand,reflecting your kindness, your sadness, your anger.
Rumi - Hidden Music

Who knows what she keeps within her handbag?
Or what she becomes when you turn away
Can you trust that if you leave her
She will stay?
And wait for you hungrily
Are you her only feed
If you could not follow
Would she still insist she lead -
To trip and crack her skull
But not bleed.

"He hung like a dead spider, just as he'd hung
All the time she'd dealt with him.
I thought it must be over. So now, I thought
I see the murder.
...
They are hidden. Is she devouring him now?"

Hughes - Eclipse

I am a whole, my strength my weakness
Complete in all that made me
I will cry
Only tears of blood tonight
Here you see me stripped

I fall to my knees
For noone but you
Woman
Noone but myself
I deserve my forgiveness
I will understand

If my knees should graze
I will rise so fast
In one moment out of my head
It won't matter
Nothing really does.

I will not suffocate my thoughts
Any longer
But they are gone all the same
You are me
More parts than I ever could have imagined.

It's a sign
It's a sign
You will not listen
Nor hear
These words speak to me

From pages
From pictures
From the sky
Listen or you'll die
They won't leave me

They scream
Screams of murder
In horrible ways
Revenge for sins
Unpaid

Don't gorge my eyes out
I see
Don't bleed my ears dry
I hear
They don't listen
They close their eyes

God's will could not remove their hands
The forces of the Universe
Could not make them hear
A song that seems so desperately inconceivable
Their hearts are shut from fear
They are not ready

I will not doubt what I know.