I don't want to tell you, I don't think I should.
But I want you to guess.

Ever get the feeling, that it isn't enough.



A certain situation is missing something?

An incomplete, uncomfortable feeling inside?

Like there should be a next step, a next level...



But you don't know what it is that would complete it?

I know, that everything that happens to me is my lesson, a lesson. It's just sometimes I can't see the trees for the forest. It's hard to remove myself, dissociate and observe what's happening to me from another perspective. I find that extremely difficult.

x

I suppose that it is normal to feel as though you don't know what to feel, don't know what to think, how to react..

I don't like being normal.

d

I just know now that this game has had its day, and I'm sick of making excuses for it. As much as I revel in the confusion and the drama, I think it's high time I stopped seeking it out. Or do a 'Demartini' and re-assess my priorities. Which is all very well to say, but pushing 'relationships' down to a lower rung on my priorities ladder isn't as easy as talking about doing it is, it is a stubborn demand, and my head has one million rational reasons why it is the most important.

.

I don't know, I feel a bit out of control of my life, like suddenly it's going in a direction I didn't entirely intend it to, and it's travelling fast.. Is this what turning twenty does to you? Or have I lost sight of what life is about? What is life about? Because if I really want to shift my priorities I need to stop answering "Love" to that question.

.

i just want to feel in control, like I have time on my side, my whole life ahead of me, not that there's a risk the rest of my life might be directionless and mundane, every day running into the next.

.

I've never felt so scared, and that in itself scares me more.

Lyrics provided by Pierce the Veil

Me:

"If you call me at all
Don't tell me that I'm ordinary
Cause I won't be passing you, please don't leave
And if you tell me you're listening to everything you read

Turn off this light, call my name"

You:

"Oh, I hear you breathing on the line
Oh baby girl, I'm not your type
I'll leave you hurting every night
So I won't be coming back."

Life Lessons (# 200)

"Wonder why I'm so caught off guard..
When we kiss
Rather live my life, in regret,
Than do this.."

J.E.W


There is no point in either of us gettin upset, if we ask for honesty, is there?

I am terrified of your anger, and guilty for your pain
If we fight like this tonight, will tomorrow be the same?

I don't quite know.

"Please cut me out, cut me out
Plot and make me the lover you wanted
When you were young and asleep
And I'm fine when you, you burn my core from a bottle
The lover you wanted while you waited so long"

Brand New

"Why can't you... why can't you... why can't you just love me back?" The Spill Canvas

I hate to enter this self loathing mess which is not me
But am I really as unlovable as you make me feel
I wish I was bleeding through my wounds and not my eyes
Or that the room would not collapse more on me with each sigh
I want someone to tell me, that's it going to be alright
Someone to hold me, someone to dream of me at night
I feel so alone, I feel so alone, I feel so alone
Sometimes I wonder, if this is a prison, or a home
And will anyone ever save me
Or want me for their own
I am the meanest sad person I know.

I can't part my lips to fake a smile
Or bear you thinking I'm a fool
Fuck you, I don't need you to want me
And it's not like I ever will
If I could choose where to place this,
Then I would not choose you.

Cold running down my chest
My face it is a mess
But don't worry it's what I do best
Pushing people away
Well, if I didn't, would you stay?

I am deflated
And still being poked from every side
They wouldn't bother
If they knew I was dead inside
Already

I just want something to call my own
Untouched, and unique
To see how I have grown
To become something I am so proud of
But you all leave alone

Look at the repurcussions
Your nothingness has had
Why do I chase you to fulfill me
When you leave me so damn sad

I am a monster, I am a monster in disguise
If you don't believe me, just look in my eyes
If you chase me now, know that I am paralysed
This is what you did to me with your ill concealed lies
My heart has rotted, rip it out, leave it for the flies
And if they leave that which bound it, undo all the ties
I have noone to turn to, so why get out alive?

I wish for you to read this
I wish for you to feel my pain
I wish for you to need me
And love me once again
I wish for you to talk to me
Or at least try
I wish that you had regretted
Never having the chance to say goodbye
I wish that I could read your mind
Long enough to see you care
And maybe long enough to tell
You miss me not being there

Thank the heavens I am straight forward
And lay my cards out on the line
Thank the heavens I can survive
Without you agreeing to be mine
Curse the underworld for hating me
And wasting all my time

Stating what I feel, is it helpful
To make this seem more real
I feel let down, I feel alone
That this life is surreal
To stare into the darkness
And avoid sleep
Because I would wallow in the pain
And drown

If you care, show me
And I will not test you
If you love me, tell me
And I will love you
If you need me, just don't pretend
I'll discover it in the end
And lies are as good as ommission
A lie doesn't have to be outright to make it not alright
And if you don't know what you want, enjoy your confusion
But you will know what you don't want.

I will not, I will not, I WILL NOT BE A FOOL
I will not let you see me hurt
I do not hurt
No, not for you
Not half as much as you want me to
Correcting myself, No, you don't care
I was your fill-in for someone else not there
So why did anyone, ever, think this was fair
For all purposes I officially do not care
So thankyou, thankyou, for not being there


Because I won't spend another night thinking about you.

I won't let this slide
While it's fresh on my mind
You don't deserve me baby
I'm one of a kind

Don't know whether to be happy or sad tonight
If I miss you already, or just miss someone being there

I don't understand
How it's been so long
But you still have this effect on me?
Is it too good to change,
Or not good enough to?

Yes,
Not one flutter,
Not one stir
I don't feel it anymore