Friday, August 29, 2008

I cannot bear the thought

That one day you will love her more than you love me

Saying No

There is only so many times a person can say 'No'
Before the person who hears that 'No'
Neglects to offer again.

"To love makes one solitary, she thought"
Mrs Dalloway

Words of my life #2

"Your personality, so complex, so unique, so random, there seems to be no pattern or logic.
You can imagine how frustrating to a computing engineer.
I dunno whether I'm scoring with you or pissing you off.
My intention is not to piss you off by the way, despite our rather... err fiery interactions."

Words of my life

"Afterwards, I asked myself why I'd do something like that and it's basically because I love you and I wanted to change your mind so that you don't have to do those things."


Saturday, August 23, 2008

I want to say again, that I love you
and that I don't think now, that i can be without you
Selfish, or not, I surmise it does not mattter what I want.
For you, you do not listen. Not anymore.

I do not know what changed, or what you are angry at me for.
Am I more selfish, for not wanting to give you to another?
I do not mind, but I do fear, that one day
I will change and want to be your lover.

Is my worry that you will leave, or push me away?
Even though you promise me different
Stories scare me
And you, you upset me.
Though I would not see you cry for it.

If you, yourself, do not know.
What is confusing you so,
How am I to guess the cause of the turmoil I see through your farce
Or not farce, but temporary bliss
That will fall apart again when you eat her kisses
And have her whole
And leave me incomplete
For I cannot speak to you, at the end of every week
She starts your weekends
And you send, me away
And days later, you pay

It is not my intention to make you suffer
For my discomfort or stubborness
I apologise in advance
But unlike you, I can't hold up the farce.
So maybe I should leave.

They say they always choose
But I cannot stand to lose
But it is not your choice I fear
It is your emptyness, all the while that you are here
And your suspicions when you leave
And all the headaches that I don't need
Although I wished for drama.

So if I push you away and you do not leave
Am I to blame for wanting you so close always
Or for trying to force you to stay
The one time you are unwilling?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

And better, for her not to write
Lest what she feel resurface
But months had passed,
And all her fight,
It had been murdered.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

And Yes, the Loneliness,
It can get to you.
But what would you sacrifice
To feel like you used to?
I thought that I did,
But I didn't want you.
Or anything you can give.
Oh ! you give me nothing!
And falling, her words caught her
Like a net of black, and woven
She landed, and crawled under
Dark cold alleyways
Looking for light
Not realising
She had lost her sight
And she crawled in open fields
Thinking the heat she felt
Must surely be flames
The sun, through a magnifying glass
Becomes far less tame.