Wednesday, March 26, 2008

"I can't have what I want,
So I don't want anything.."

Monday, March 24, 2008

Love I will wait for you
though I am scared you do not come
giving you up leaves no future to live for

Saturday, March 22, 2008

every heartbeat is an eternity alone
time turns and still
you don't think of me
how long can this last?
my heart i give
in trust to you
because some things cannot
be broken more
and ask you to act as though it were whole
lover, i melt
into these arms that are not yours
protect me
from what i want because
it does not want me

Sunday, March 16, 2008

im trying to make you understand

that the lack of passion you feel,

is because i am trying to forbid myself from loving you
My hands are tied
My body bruised
She's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give...
And you give...
And you give yourself away
I can't live with or without you
I can't live with or without you
I can't live...
I can't live with or without you

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

we try to live out our yesterdays
when they were better than our todays

Sunday, March 09, 2008

I am not breathing
In airless pits I squirm
My dreams haunt me to teach me
Lessons which I just cannot learn

Wake up to find I'm falling
Fall to sleep to find I'm not
All the time I'm crawling
Away so I don't rot

Sunday, March 02, 2008

What's the good of honesty when honesty says I love you and I can't be without you?

Yes, still. I'm so sick of pretending it's not there.
well I'm not writing because I'm still not feeling very much. I have had a brief lapse from dry eyes and I am grateful. But it seems we are back, with no spell to break the routine.

Scared to sit with myself, in the bath. Eating alive these sad songs, and watching the thoughts return to my head. Trying to ignore everything that I remember, and not feel the ever-threatening, godforsaken guilt.
Let the drink drive my mind
i don't care for what's inside
my body for this
and hate through your lips
I remember you.
Put my top on cause I dont feel safe topless
Not tonight

When wanting never got me anything anymore, nor wishing
And my finger is still too sore to type
Maybe its a sign
Maybe it's a design on my life
When I don't see you: sleep for too long but still
Not even in my dreams

And the appetite bites back
Not sad, because sadness doesnt eat
Not scared because fear keeps my stomach cater-bugs moving
or gives them wings
Just empty, like anything that ever was empty
Strike this bowl, it will ring

She couldn't remember the words to the songs she wanted to sing
Which way shall I fly, Infinite wrath, and infinite despair? Which way I fly is hell; myself am hell; And, in the lowest deep, a lower deep, Still threatening to devour me, opens wide, To which the hell I suffer seems a heaven.