Monday, July 26, 2010

Hang on a second...
Why should I feel guilty for an insult from me
Which you heard from someone else
When you shouldn't have been there asking questions
Which I wasn't given a chance to answer
Because you went behind my back
Where you were unwanted
And unappreciated
To speak about something
Involving me
When I was not there
Not invited
And not given the chance to speak
You talked about me
Without me there?
You fabricate stories
And pretend you didn't
You have so many problems
And deny them
You try to act innocent
Get sympathy
Which you don't deserve
You make me look bad
But worse for you
You make yourself so hard to respect
Well then you deserve what you hear
I don't feel bad for you at all.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Under heaven, all can see beauty only because there is ugliness" Lao Tsu
If I can learn, from this ugliness, to be more beautiful....
"It's [the] yang part of us that sees the world and ourselves in terms of how things should be different, how we need to change things to make them more the way we think they ought to be... It is our yin self that holds our more compassionate, accepting mother energy." Biff Mithoefer
Does this teach us to accept anything befallen by us, that any injustice, any untruth, any disservice should be overlooked and forgiven, without so much as a plea for forgiveness, or an apology? A repeated injustice? I seem to require that these injustices be recognised and not overlooked, for me to begin forgiving them. I can accept, possibly forgive, but to be able to do so I want my suffering to be recognised, I want my sacrifice to be understood and acknowledged. \
Is it wrong to want my pain recognised, my suffering seen, my sacrifice noted? Is it wrong to expect an apology? It is certainly not selfless. But it does not make me a worse person than those I must forgive, and yet they are seen in no worse light. I struggle, to find the meaning in this, I struggle to find the right path and what I should do.
 If I were to stop thinking about what I should do, and just "let it be", then what would happen? I don't know, but it is so hard to forge something you do not desire. It is so hard to forgive a liar. It is so hard to forget hurt. This is so hard.

Monday, July 12, 2010

I have yet to discover what fuels the fire you hate me with, but I feel its flames. Closer they creep, faintly promising warmth, forked tongues of deceit. It is not long till you are dancing around my fiery grave, and a little part of the world weeps for a soul only they knew was innocent.
You will pay.
There is no weakness in forgiveness, but no strength in saying the words, if I don't feel it in my heart.
"There's no weakness in forgiveness"  Emarosa
Long, low and far you go
And I, I do not follow
You leave me alone
High, cold and quiet you go
You leave me alone
And I am always waiting
Long, long, long you stay
You stay too long
I wait alone for you
Easy, easy you go
And find it difficult halfway
I was struck from the beginning
Backtrack and meet me at the start?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

When everything fades in comparison to your smile,
I curse him who makes you cry.