Monday, January 23, 2006

Sic transit gloria mundi (and so passes the glory of the world)

I feel cursed- like anyone i have ever loved or got close to, ever, has let me down.

I swear I don't understand jealousy. I won't say I've never felt it- I won't make myself out to be a saint when I am so clearly not one. Yet when I have experienced this emotion - rarely, I might add - I have discarded it immediately. For it truly means nothing to me, and it has no place in my life.

It is so tempting to play oneself down to avoid jealousy, but one can't live life denying who one is. So you must bear the brunt, and often it is a curse on one's life.

I'm sick of being hated for reasons beyond my control. I'm sick of being hated for reasons I don't want to change. People should understand that the person I am today is the product of hard work and many a swallowing of pride of my parents and grandparents. I am proud. And I will not let anyone or their jealousy take that away from me.

That said, don't be jealous of me. For the thing I pride most is the thing those that envy me do my possess - my integrity. So strip me of my intelligence, strip me of my wordly things, strip me of my heritage, my family, my knowledge. take all this and bestow it upon yourself, if you will. All I ask is this - leave me with my integrity and my love, for these are all I need and lacking these, yuour gain is to no avail.
Sic transit gloria
- and thus passes the glory of the world.
(Worldly things do not last)