Sunday, April 30, 2006

I'm back

I'm back and life has never been more wonderful!
I'm back and I don't think the stars have ever shone quite so bright.
I'm back and I don't think I have ever been more happy,
and it's all because...
It's all because

I wish I knew

My holiday was amazing.
Destination: Middle East

If I ever called anywhere home it might be there...

Friday, April 07, 2006

Until next time

I'm off for a few weeks, on holiday!
Will post again when I'm back.
Mortals that would follow me,
Love Virtue: she alone is free.
She can teach ye how to climb
higher than the sphery chime;
Or if virtue feeble were,
Heaven itself would stoop to her.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

To a long lost grandfather

How many years has it been since I saw you last
Two? Three? Maybe even four now
It doesn't even matter how many years anymore.

You could see me, if you wished.
I was your first grandchild, I still am.

I want to be there for you,
love and care for you,
hold your hand when it gets tough.
But I don't think you'd let me.
And if you did I don't think I would let myself.

You don't tell me that you love me anymore
- did you ever?
I wouldn't believe you if you did.

How does it feel?
Tell me how does it feel to be alone.
I blame myself still,
Although I'm not the one to blame.

You will not even look at me, Grandad.
And I didn't do a thing,

just love you
and I want to love you still.
But you don't want my love,

and it shows.
You don't care.
And it hurts with a pain like none I have never felt before.

I cry for you but you're not worth my tears.
I can't forgive myself for leaving you.
But I can't forgive you- at least not until you say sorry.

You are never sorry.

It hurts to remember you, Grandad.
It hurts to know your life goes on
- without me in it.

Do you still think about me?
And why were you so eager to let me go?
You didn't even try.
Or even say goodbye.

I am the firstborn of your firstborn.
Your daughter's daughter.
All I have ever done was to impress you.
But you are not impressed.

I only exist because of you,
I would not be if it were not for you.
I could not bear it if you regretted me, Grandad.
I have done nothing to cause you shame.
Your blood runs through my veins.
Don't you realise your selfish, callous blood
runs through my veins?

But never mind.
I have others to care for me,others to love me.
How I wish you didn't have the power to hurt me.
You don't deserve it.
you don't deserve me.
I wish that I never end up like you, Grandad.
I hope that I will never do the things that you do.

Why can't I bring myself to hate you?
Hearing your voice still makes me cry.
I only wish I knew why.

So goodnight Grandad
From halfway across the world,
I hope you keep me from your dreams
so you sleep sweetly tonight.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

thoughts on sorrow

Ah, sweet you
You who can make me cry
you who can make me sad
For it is only you that I love
"I am delighted
that my heart welcomes sorrow
for the sorrow
that the earth and the sky
can not behold
is contained in a heart
as small
as the eye of a needle"