Is it ignorance, or inexperience, that breeds jealousy? For I agree it breeds contempt. Although to accept superiority can be harder than it seems on face value: Sometimes it is comfortable to know your place in the jungle, below your stronger inmates... and in the cities, below your elders; but this cannot always work, age does not always present wisdom, No, I am sorry it does not. It should. But you have not seen what I have seen, and you have seen things that I haven't that have tainted you differently... and so in these aspects I am matured. And if you did not hurt others I would attribute you the same maturity. But you do hurt them. And not see the truth. So I have to accept my authority.
Animals and kids I get along with, they like me. If there are kids or animals in the room, they're probably next to me: It's easy with them, I give them love, and they love me back. Simple as that. No secret, no talent or knack for it, they just flock to the person who gives them love and attention. Guess that's why adults confuse me, because with adults, it isn't like that. You can give an adult love till you're blue in the face, and they might not realise it, or like you. Because somewhere in the process of growing-up we are taught that just because someone loves you, it doesn't make them a good person. Or mean that you have to love them back. What a pity... Must be that there are more factors to consider when you're grown, but for me, I would rather follow the innocent thought pattern of a child, or the non-existent thought pattern of a dog. If I reciprocate what I recieve from a person, my world should be balanced. I don't suppose even I follow this mantra though, because I have wasted so much love on people who do not return it. Whereas if I were a child, or an animal, I would long since have avoided them. How curious, the nature of the human.
I seek to understand, those who cross my path, those who fill my life. I want to know what drives them, what makes them tick, their desires, their wants, needs, passions, thoughts... I don't know, how much of this goal I achieve, how much I truly understand, for when I do, or think I do, still so much surprises me and evades me. My parents taught me, that no one has your back like your family, but my family let me down. So, my immediate family, they have my back, yes, but they are few and I cannot tell them everything, if I could would they still support me as they do now? I always differed, always wished to believe that somewhere out there there were good people, who I could trust as well. Somehow, they have all let me down. Maybe not all, but am I then to conclude that the one who doesn't (for I don't think that more than one is possible), is the one I keep? Because this is what I have concluded. The one person, who does not let me down, that will be the person I marry, because above all, that is what I hold dear, someone who will honour my feelings as much as they do their own. Someone who I believe deserves me. It is not my place here to speculate on whether I have found him, for my previous ramblings will divulge. Why? I have no mighty to appeal to, but I implore that the universe answer me. Why, can I not understand what drives these people who hurt me so much? And do they know how they hurt me? Maybe I am hasty to say my family do not hurt me, for two nights ago found me in my sister's room, murmuring that she did not know how much what she did hurt me. And she didn't. I have been all but tears of late, and those who I believed would support me, have mostly failed me. I will not ask now, whether I have failed them too, for I ask too often. My heart is pure, and here they must realise that whatever I do I do from love, that I fight my instincts to rage, and argue back, to defend myself, and to interrogate... all of this I do in return for a little love, a little loyalty. Please give me some. It seems this mind is always misunderstood. Is this how everyone feels, inside?
'They don't do one thing but sing their heart out for us
Our damsel Light headed and forgetful, Tripping over all the love contained In a half used deoderant
She was a monster Without remorse But for him she gave her monsters away Bundled and stuffed With three eyes To keep him safe
Her prince charming Big haired and bigger hearted (Who had ants in his pants) And was just what she wanted
He read books to please her And learnt how to tease her Was so talented and sweet Liked her tickling his feet And having his hair played with
Under bright lights and stars And itchy from the grass A little too happy And unconfused They painted a picture of their future with poems But this time it was true
They rediscovered rain Fell from the sky - and landed In rooms filled with pillows With doors that opened into secret gardens Who were witness to their love If not more -oh!- And almost every time they loved there was panic on the wall (They laughed about it)
Pizza parlours they attacked early Their tummies hungry and eyes pearly To picnic in the park Where they would cavort when it was dark Until midnight or so
They ran they danced They cartwheeled, and pranced Through pouring rain and storm And promised each other, Beneath the awful weather To never leave the other alone
Benecklaced and braceleted One linked to the other Seperated by miles and miles Of towns and roads and bother But his love kept her warm And he was too warm under his blankets They chatted all day And both were so thankful For eternities Which lasted three months And how they were soon to be together How he could travel the world And never forget her But he wouldn't without her And she would wait forever And forever Just wasn't enough
Well what more to say - Of two brains so matched, That life could not be More melodic and relaxed? Except that no version of paradise Could be anywhere near as nice As their perfect future.