Follow your heart?

I didn't think that anything could ever shake my happiness. But here I am, shaken. I overestimated my strength but I'm determined not to let myself slip one level more, because I know that from there - there is hardly a chance of return.

I'm tired of crying, I never knew I had so many tears to cry. I'm sick of feeling pathetic, confused, lost and second best. From here on in, I vow to take this for what it is, for if you can't change it by force you can only wait for other external factors to take their toll. Yes it feels like I'm surrrendering my locus of control, but when either choice of two will cause you so much theoretical pain, who is to judge which is the right one?

I've followed my heart again but I trust it to lead me true and not break me. I thought I was broken, I feel broken but I will not let myself be.

I intend to let myself be happy.