Hang on a second...

Why should I feel guilty for an insult from me

Which you heard from someone else

When you shouldn't have been there asking questions

Which I wasn't given a chance to answer

Because you went behind my back

Where you were unwanted

And unappreciated

To speak about something

Involving me

When I was not there

Not invited

And not given the chance to speak

You talked about me

Without me there?

 

You fabricate stories

And pretend you didn't

You have so many problems

And deny them

You try to act innocent

Get sympathy

Which you don't deserve

You make me look bad

But worse for you

You make yourself so hard to respect

 

Well then you deserve what you hear

 

I don't feel bad for you at all.

Under heaven, all can see beauty only because there is ugliness" Lao Tsu

 

If I can learn, from this ugliness, to be more beautiful....

 

"It's [the] yang part of us that sees the world and ourselves in terms of how things should be different, how we need to change things to make them more the way we think they ought to be... It is our yin self that holds our more compassionate, accepting mother energy." Biff Mithoefer

 

Does this teach us to accept anything befallen by us, that any injustice, any untruth, any disservice should be overlooked and forgiven, without so much as a plea for forgiveness, or an apology? A repeated injustice? I seem to require that these injustices be recognised and not overlooked, for me to begin forgiving them. I can accept, possibly forgive, but to be able to do so I want my suffering to be recognised, I want my sacrifice to be understood and acknowledged. \

 

Is it wrong to want my pain recognised, my suffering seen, my sacrifice noted? Is it wrong to expect an apology? It is certainly not selfless. But it does not make me a worse person than those I must forgive, and yet they are seen in no worse light. I struggle, to find the meaning in this, I struggle to find the right path and what I should do.

 

 If I were to stop thinking about what I should do, and just "let it be", then what would happen? I don't know, but it is so hard to forge something you do not desire. It is so hard to forgive a liar. It is so hard to forget hurt. This is so hard.

I have yet to discover what fuels the fire you hate me with, but I feel its flames. Closer they creep, faintly promising warmth, forked tongues of deceit. It is not long till you are dancing around my fiery grave, and a little part of the world weeps for a soul only they knew was innocent.

 

You will pay.

There is no weakness in forgiveness, but no strength in saying the words, if I don't feel it in my heart.

 

"There's no weakness in forgiveness"  Emarosa

Long, low and far you go

And I, I do not follow

You leave me alone

 

High, cold and quiet you go

You leave me alone

And I am always waiting

 

Long, long, long you stay

You stay too long

I wait alone for you

 

Easy, easy you go

And find it difficult halfway

I was struck from the beginning

 

Backtrack and meet me at the start?

When everything fades in comparison to your smile,

I curse him who makes you cry.