Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Under heaven, all can see beauty only because there is ugliness" Lao Tsu
 
If I can learn, from this ugliness, to be more beautiful....
 
"It's [the] yang part of us that sees the world and ourselves in terms of how things should be different, how we need to change things to make them more the way we think they ought to be... It is our yin self that holds our more compassionate, accepting mother energy." Biff Mithoefer
 
Does this teach us to accept anything befallen by us, that any injustice, any untruth, any disservice should be overlooked and forgiven, without so much as a plea for forgiveness, or an apology? A repeated injustice? I seem to require that these injustices be recognised and not overlooked, for me to begin forgiving them. I can accept, possibly forgive, but to be able to do so I want my suffering to be recognised, I want my sacrifice to be understood and acknowledged. \
 
Is it wrong to want my pain recognised, my suffering seen, my sacrifice noted? Is it wrong to expect an apology? It is certainly not selfless. But it does not make me a worse person than those I must forgive, and yet they are seen in no worse light. I struggle, to find the meaning in this, I struggle to find the right path and what I should do.
 
 If I were to stop thinking about what I should do, and just "let it be", then what would happen? I don't know, but it is so hard to forge something you do not desire. It is so hard to forgive a liar. It is so hard to forget hurt. This is so hard.

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