innocent intentions,
I don't know myself
I did, I hurt you
and i won't forgive myself
for using those who were weaker than me
for taking advantage
for playing with your heart
for being all that you wanted me to be
for never looking back
i blame myself
for taking your innocence
and throwing it to the wind
for taking your breath
so you couldn't breathe
for making you want me
for not wanting you
for all of this
for more
for what i did
for what i didn't do
for letting you believe
that there was a chance
for your lonely desperate soul
when another had a spell on me
when another held my heart
so tight it could not breathe
nor conceive even the thought of another
for not knowing what i wanted
and mistrusting myself
and letting you be a victim
for not understanding that others feel
for putting myself first
for putting you last
for still caring
i blame myself
i blame myself
why do the innocent suffer?
how could i make you suffer
just as i have done before
how could i let you know
the pain that i know all too well?
i fail to understand
the meaning of my thoughts
this is for not understanding you.
6 comments:
Hey Leila!
I can relate to what you've written here from the carefree days of my youth...
Hopefully things are well these days and that this again is an outlet for you an not a truly sad time of regret...
How are things on the other side of the world?
Take care out there!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
That was a very sweet and honest lamentation. I believe you.
You know how they say that all is fair in Love and War...they say that because we are supposed to be aware of the caveat emptor that states enter at own risk.
Things don't always work out the way that we would like..and people are always going to get hurt.
Don't beat yourself up too much, you didn't get what (who) you wanted either.
We are gentically modified apes who are not well programmed for a fairy tale monogamous life..it takes a lot of work and common sense to accomplish that..so unfortunately or fortunately we humans get all dizzy and excited when someone new comes along..we're always excited about getting into some else's genes!
That being said when (IF) you do find somebody that is compatible you should realise that you are lucky and you should hold on for dear life or for as long as possible..it is a decision that you make more than a feeling..
But wait until you find someone...because your brain is going to nag you to stop putting all of your DNA in one nest egg!
clear as mud eh!
sorry for the longwinded blather
thanks zambo, and hope all is well for you too!
homo escapeons - yeah, you make sense...even as confusing as it all is!
You shouldn't feel so guilty about it or anything else. Everybody makes mistakes. Just let it be and let it go.
No, Imemine, I shouldn't. But I do.
Hi Leila
I've definetly been on both sides of this fence, although I can say as not the most handsome man in the world, I was more often being used and on the other side of your poem. Such is life. You can't blame yourself for one simple reason. You are who you are from what you did, not because of how you were born. Experiences build a person up and break them down. If I had not had so many bad relationships I would not have had the guts to break up with people later who were using me, or the ability to fall in love with the right person. I think you are gonna turn out to be perfect for someone someday. Since homo-escapeons was on the subject I'd also like to add in I'm all about the evolution thing-but male and female animals are different. Males want to procreate with as many females as possible, and females usually want only one mate. That's why I am totally nuture over nature. It's been real.
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