"I can't have what I want,
So I don't want anything.."

Love I will wait for you

though I am scared you do not come

giving you up leaves no future to live for

beat

every heartbeat is an eternity alone

time turns and still

you don't think of me

beat

how long can this last?

my heart i give

in trust to you

because some things cannot

be broken more

and ask you to act as though it were whole

lover, i melt

into these arms that are not yours

protect me

from what i want because

it does not want me

im trying to make you understand

that the lack of passion you feel,

is because i am trying to forbid myself from loving you

*

My hands are tied

My body bruised

She's got me with

Nothing to win and

Nothing left to lose

.

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give...

And you give...

And you give yourself away

.

I can't live with or without you

I can't live with or without you

I can't live...

I can't live with or without you

U2

we try to live out our yesterdays

when they were better than our todays

I am not breathing
In airless pits I squirm
My dreams haunt me to teach me
Lessons which I just cannot learn


Wake up to find I'm falling
Fall to sleep to find I'm not
All the time I'm crawling
Away so I don't rot

What's the good of honesty when honesty says I love you and I can't be without you?

Yes, still. I'm so sick of pretending it's not there.

well I'm not writing because I'm still not feeling very much. I have had a brief lapse from dry eyes and I am grateful. But it seems we are back, with no spell to break the routine.

Scared to sit with myself, in the bath. Eating alive these sad songs, and watching the thoughts return to my head. Trying to ignore everything that I remember, and not feel the ever-threatening, godforsaken guilt.

Let the drink drive my mind

i don't care for what's inside

my body for this

and hate through your lips

I remember you.

Put my top on cause I dont feel safe topless

Not tonight

When wanting never got me anything anymore, nor wishing

And my finger is still too sore to type

Maybe its a sign

Maybe it's a design on my life

When I don't see you: sleep for too long but still

Not even in my dreams

And the appetite bites back

Not sad, because sadness doesnt eat

Not scared because fear keeps my stomach cater-bugs moving

or gives them wings

Just empty, like anything that ever was empty

Strike this bowl, it will ring

She couldn't remember the words to the songs she wanted to sing

---

Which way shall I fly, Infinite wrath, and infinite despair? Which way I fly is hell; myself am hell; And, in the lowest deep, a lower deep, Still threatening to devour me, opens wide, To which the hell I suffer seems a heaven.

Milton