Dear you
How can I explain to you so that you understand? You make the worst mistake because the ones that love you the most - you treat them the worst.
It's the story of my life;
those I love the most
I hate the most
it's so hard to understand.
I wonder if you know the tortured hours I spend
wishing you were otherwise?
How are you so different to me?
And I waste all my time on you.
You neither listen nor learn.
But it still kills me to see you suffer.
I must be crazy.
I hate myself for doing what I do
and for thinking you deserve it
even now
but I see no other way
And I hate the things I say to you,
the things that make you cry.
I don't think you know that I love you more than most things in this world.
despite it all.
The guilt is all-consuming
but still I wouldn't take back what I said
and I'll pour my heart out to this letter
because you'll never read a word.
It's no use pretending I don't care...
I forget too easily
every single time
and to you it's as good as forgiveness
Oh! Curse this soft heart of mine!
But if I don't pray for you, who will?
If you still care at all
Don't go tell me now
I want to promise you that I'll always love you so
and I almost can.
Because I never make promises I can't keep
I can help you
but only if you ask.
You may think I can,
but I can't force you to do anything.
It doesn't mean I can't try.
Are you wrong?
For doing all that you do...
not just to me.
Or am I wrong?
For not accepting you as you are.
I can't abide you, like
spelling errors on a typed page
Flaws so vivid.
And I can't leave it if I can fix it
or at least think I can
You're tearing me apart
I just want you to know
It wasn't my intention to make you cry
Or maybe it was
It's just...
For one second, more than ever
I wanted you to feel the pain that you put me through
...and you never stop doing it.
8 comments:
Expressions are beautiful, imagination is terrific. just hoping that it is imagination Laila.
Many conflicts here, I'd have a shower change my dress, throw the old one never to wear again and go our for a walk to get some fresh air.
While you're feeling these things, it may be a good idea to keep all sharp and pointed objects out of your reach. Dido for any firearms...,
Wow. Intense.
Ah, Leila, I just want to give you a big ol' hug.
I can tell this is very good, just by the way I feel you're writing about some of my own feelings...
If you need a shoulder, you know my email. Hasn't changed. These ears are good at listening.
Things are not usually as bad as they sound thank god.
thank-you guerilla...ah i'm a sucker for complments
rauf - no, not imagination, but do know that i feel things especially deeply.. i think my head over-exaggerates it all. but i will go for the idea of the fresh air! although i feel much better just writing it down!
walter - has never even crossed my mind yet, and i've felt worse than this! but...okay
angel jr. - not THAT intense i hope!
jenna - greatly appreciated, i assure you. minors need a hug every now and again!
faltenin - how many times can i thank you? if i ever neeed a shoulder, i will bear you in mind, always.
Hey, mine was a poem, I was just doing nothing and it came to me so fast I couldn't stop writing and I filled up like four pages with it. And this is special, I love it.
"I want to promise you that I'll always love you so
and I almost can.
Because I never make promises I can't keep"
this is the realest thing i have read all day today.
there were many times that i felt this way.
i read your first poem when you put it up, but i didn't know what to say because i didn't have anything of value to add.
however, i hope i can prove my worth when i say please continue with your honesty.
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