Lately I can’t seem to find the words to say what I think, and I think too much. I can’t express what I feel anymore. I find myself stuttering, restarting, searching. Has my mind despaired of how inefficiently I convey its magnificent thoughts? For words could never do it justice. But one more injustice isn’t going to make a difference in the world. Except to me, of course.
What am I to you? Just a broken doll.
There are a lot of things that scientists haven't discovered yet, things they don't know everything about, maybe never will. I see now that humans don't know love. Not completely. Maybe they never will. What made me come to this revelation? My overworked mind, but not just that. A book. A book so amazingly written that it puts other books to shame. A book I don't want to have read because it seems so wrong, to us. But it's so right in its own sense. A book that makes no sense at all but has taught me so much, confused me so much.
Ever read Lolita?
"Because you took advantage of a sinner
because you took advantage
because you took
because you took advantage of my disadvantage
when i stood adam-naked
before a federal law and all its singing stars
Because you took advantage of a sin
when I was helpless moulting moist and tender
hoping for the best
dreaming of a marriage in a mountain state
aye of a litter of Lolitas
Because you took advantage of my inner
essential innocence
because you cheated me-
Because you cheated me of my redemption
because you took
her at the age when lads
play with erector sets
a little downy girl still wearing poppies
still eating popcorn in the coloured gloam
where tawny Indians took paid croppers
because you stole her
from her wax-browed and dignified protector
spitting into his heavy-lidded eye
ripping his flavid toga and at dawn
leaving the hog to roll upon his new discomfort
the awfulness of love and violets
remorse despair while you
took a dull doll to pieces
and threw its head away
beacuse of all you did
becasue of all I did not
you have to die"
Don't. Don't tell me that isn't love.
7 comments:
Hi Leila!
I really liked your pix from your trip!
Happy belated birthday, by the way!
(Sorry I missed it...I have been very inconsistent in my blogging habits lately)...I hope you had a nice time! Welcome to "adulthood" (technically)...The water's kinda cold...
Thinking too much can be a gift and a curse simultaneously...Hopefully this blog is a good outlet for you...Thanks for sharing some of your thoughts with us!
Take care out there, Leila!
Your Pal,
Zambo.
lolita is considered a classic for nothing.
humans tend to oversimplify love because love is so inconvenient and hard to understand.
One of these books i still have to read, there is a huge list of those..
By the way, i do understand what you wrote, although it's quite different from Dutch.
You shóuld listen to that song. :)
I was confused once after reading a book.. it's called "Hersenschimmen" by Bernlef. It's about a man that has dementia. Very impressive, maybe you can find a translation.
And i dont know about love. Does it even exist for everybody?
I liked the book. It's one of those books where you need to come to it without any of the predefined images you have in your head about what it's about...
Thanks Zambo :D
k - I disagre! If it isn't a classic for its unique take on love, then it's got to be a classic for the absolutely amazing writing! And by no means does it make love simple. If anything, I think humans over-complicate love anyway....
Jeeps - I doubt I'll be able to find a translation! But if I do, I'll read it! Oh, and I'll be sure to listen to that song :)
I don't know anything about love either! Maybe it's all in our heads...
Fal - I agree. I loved the book!
I have Lolita on my list of books to be read.
I don't know what love is. And I don't know if I ever will fully understand it. Maybe we are not supposed to.
thanks guerilla *blush*
laura - you know, you're probably right!
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