Jiminy Cricket

When I was younger, I used to have a voice in my head. I always imagined it to be my 'Jiminy Cricket' - my conscience speaking to me - but from within.

It was a droning, mumbling, persistent voice, and I remember only too well the sensation of almost being able to hear what it was saying. The harder I strained to hear what it was saying, the harder it was. It was as though I could hear it best when I just relaxed and diverted my mind - but even then I could not hear the words I so desperately sought. But I think...I think I knew what it was telling me, somehow.

The voice has disappeared - I almost miss it.

Don't look at me that way

"Don't look at me that way, it was an honest mistake" -
'Honest Mistake' - The Bravery

Foolish girl! You chased too much freedom. Too much freedom isn't good for anyone, not even you. Not even you.

Happiness

Sometimes everything just seems to make sense. Everything just slots into place...I think I'm having a lucid intervallum. I am so happy right now, I am so at peace. And I don't need anyone or anything to change right now. I think I glimpsed perfection - and I like it. But I'm not going to chase it now, I'm happy just knowing it exists. Wow. I think I know why people get high, if it feels anything like this does.

I know people are going to disappoint me. I know that life is complicated. I know that there are hardships in this life, that I may never find what I am so blindly searching for. But it doesn't bother me. None of it does. I am happy.

I want to bake my happiness in cakes and feed the nation.
I want to brew my happiness in beer and get everyone drunk.
I want to gift-wrap my happiness and give everyone a present.
I want to write my happiness on a pieces of paper and send them away on the ocean in bottles, for everyone to discover.
I want to shout my happiness into the wind so it whispers it to everyone.

Nothing special happened today. I just realised how happy I am, and how I haven't noticed.

One of many whys

Someone tell me Why,

Why do humans do things that make them unhappy?

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My ghazal for the other day. The question? I can't remember...but I really liked this one.

Of her black hair I complain, O ask me not
Cause of her, lost I remain, O ask me not.
In the hope of loyalty, nobody leaves his heart & faith
I repent, my deeds disdain, O ask me not.
A sip of wine never cause misdeed or grief
Ignorant put me through so much pain, O ask me not.
O pious one, pass me by, 'cause this red wine
Makes your faith vain, drives you insane, ask me not.
On the path of life and soul, stories abound
One will strain & one will feign, O ask me not.
I longed for health and bliss, but alas
That seductress holds my rein, O ask me not.
I asked the ball of heavens, what is my role on this plane?
In the polo game of life I entertain, O ask me not.
I asked, with your hair whose blood you drain?
By God, this story is a long chain, O ask me not.

--Hafez

To a friend lost in herself

Oh child, dear child.
Don't think you are the first to suffer so
Confusion is the sanction of an intelligent mind

Didn't anyone tell you
everything can be bought,
except love?

Now you're all grown up
And they can see you
When you can't see them -
It's no use hiding anymore

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Gag me because I say nothing worthwhile

Take me away
'cause if I can't help you
I can't help myself

It hurts to see so much of myself in you.