Thursday, September 04, 2008

Again, on lacking eloquence.

In seeking to eliminate thought-pain, I hope that my thoughts have not disappeared completely, for often it has struck me that those who write the best, think the best - the best being synonymous to most unique. And these unique writers, are the ones who are tortured by such unique thoughts.

Operating backwards however, I could not say that those who are tortured by their thoughts are necessarily good at communicating them. I suffer now in that I seem to think clearly, but struggle to logically communicate my clear thoughts, often sitting and reading what I have written only to wonder if anyone existing outside of my own head could appreciate it.

Forgive me, I look not for reassurance nor consolance, though some pseudo-version of me would have such things. I merely seek to understand how, having eliminated my unbearable thought-pain, I may keep my unique thoughts. I hope, that this will will not lead me to understand that there is no externalisation to be had of thoughts which you do not contain, and indeed no beauty without pain.

And, if this is the only conclusion to be drawn from such a path of thinking, would I sacrifice my calmness of mind back to the thought-devil, if he would return my eloquence?

I still feel this, and so it still pours out from me.
If I did not feel this, here would not lie the stain.
And so this will stain, and pour,
Until I feel this no more.

5 comments:

Romeo Morningwood said...

I don't think that it is an accident that throughout History, the majority of the most memorable Novels, Songs, and Plays ever written, were created and communicated by tortured souls..
or at the very least these writers were the greatest empathizers and observationists...
hard to fake isn't it? We assume that one needs to experience such heartbreak to be able to transmit it's devastating effects..
but some people can even fake (I wanna say orgasms) the most excruciating personal emotions.

Missed you.

sage said...

A lot to ponder here... I think you're right track, we do write best out of our pain.

Leila said...

Donnnnn, it's been a long time!
But you make a good point, about the observationists. Maybe there is hope after all.

Sage,I wonder why that is so.

Gordie said...

When we find the words to say what we feel, what we feel doesn't feel so bad. Speechlessness can be a prison.

Clockworkchris said...

I had a comment but Gordie covered it. "Speechlessness can be a prison." That sums it all up.
For Mr. Don,
I honestly would like to chat with you at some point. Being able to fake an orgasm is nothing when compared to faking all the emotions in a daily life. It's basically some noise, faces, and movement. Almost a dance.
I do agree however that writing is the best release and only those in pain will have the ability to use the gift best.