Testing is poison.

It is only in testing a person, that they can fall short.
(Or is it rather that, without testing them, you would never notice their shortcomings?)
What is there to be gained by constantly putting others friendship to the test;
And hoping that they will prove you wrong,
When nobody can fulfill your expectations, or you have left no margin for error?
You convince yourself that what you perceive is justified, that what you feel has been validated.
You've tested it, after all.
You've tested them, they fell short.

So pray tell, what are you going to do now?


If the truth leaves me lonely, give me lies..
"Lie to me, love me, we'll run away from everything"
I ask for lies, all I do is ask for lies,
But I cannot handle them.
Yes, sometimes it seems the truth is overrated.
But sometimes it is the same world, with different coloured lenses.


What good does it do me to be cynical,
When I can let it slide..
What good does it do me?


If I doubt you, I leave you room to fulfill my doubt
I will not doubt you
If I test you I give you the chance to fail
You will not fail me
If I conceive that you can cause me pain, you just might
You cannot hurt me
If I wait for you to not be enough you might not ever be
You’re exactly what I need you to be
If I never admit that I need you, maybe you will never know
I need you
If I fear that you will leave me, I will allow myself to let you go
I never will.


Do not tell me I am weak for needing you, or for expecting you to be everything that I need you to be.
Do not call me unrealistic, nor foolish, or say that I am asking to be hurt.
I am just trying to live my life.
I chose you and I will not let you let me down so easy.
So I choose to believe that you are all of this.
And it suits me just fine.


It is only in testing a person, that they can fall short,
And so, I will never test you.

See. It pains to feel attacked,

Do you feel defenceless now?

***

"He’s alone in the night:
He’s afraid of the dark -
(Don’t laugh! Don’t laugh!)
And then he asks himself - "Why?
Why did I?" - he says.
"throw it away,
give up my sun, my sky, my marvellous day?
Why -why - why
was I a fool?" he says.
So do I ask why
And I tell you I don’t know.
I only know-
as that suicide in vain
shivers for the loving sun
wishes his death undone,
his poison spilled-
so do I wish alive again
the love i killed."

from the play 'Come of Age', by Clemence Dane