Monday, September 15, 2008

Ramblings on being second best # 36261117

I say TV is (for the most part), a waste of my time, and pointless. But every now and again I'll be watching some show or the other and something will make me think. Tonight it was a girl leaving, and her best guy friend (who has a girlfriend) getting sad as they said goodbye.

My brother complained that he loved her..
My mother said that he did not!
I commented that he did love her, and his girlfriend: But then paused, and added that, he just happened to love his girlfriend more - Which everyone agreed with, and my mother further commented that she was right in leaving, after all, why should she suffer being second best?

So it isn't a surprise that this made me think, it isn't a surprise that the girl reminded me of [a stronger version of] myself.

I have to stop tolerating boys just because they love me. Sometimes their love alone, isn't enough. Sometimes you don't need just to be loved, you need to be loved the most.

So I seek to find in myself the strength to stop returning to the boys who have loved me, maybe still do. Because I need to realise, that if they loved me the most, they wouldn't be apart from me in the first place. For the most part.

Great. Now someone please tell my heart that.

11 comments:

Walker said...

There is different types of love for different reasons.
I love my friends and most are female.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life with any of them because they are my friends, if they were anything more than that we would have been together from the start.

The problem with friendships among the sexes is that at times, the line gets cloudy and our natural born instinct to mate screws our heads up but in the end true love wins out all the time.

I am sure he loved his female friend as a friend buut his heart belonged to the girlfriend

Anonymous said...

Sometimes a guy just hast to do what he has to do!... dont think of it being negative towards yourself, rather count yourself as lucky to have met, known and loved him!

run rabbit run

Clockworkchris said...

I am super scared of anonymous and agree with Walker. Most of my friends growing up when it mattered and those that I still talk with are female. Take you for example. I love the idea of having a friend although I could not say I love you (one less for you to worry about...now you smile and don't get mad!)
What anonymous is saying is a typical male perspective however. Our instinct is to mate and meet and all that jazz, but I prefer to think I have evolved, have a brain, and make my own decisions and suffer the consequences.
There is hope. I loved lots of people before I met my wife, and some of them I would have married but they were not right for me, similar to how the guys were not for you perhaps. I however never went back. I think that once around is enough usually.
Now I know I will be married until the day I die because I have someone who will accept everything I do no matter how stupid it is.
Love for a friend is forever and sometimes even stronger than love you feel for your mate, that means it's the wrong mate most likely. When you find the right one you will know. Until then you can tell us about all the a-holes you meet and we will bash them with you. We totally have to keep start emailng again. I need someone to listen. Well, from this rant it's evident to all. Good luck!

Leila said...

Walker - I think many people don't fully decide which category the relationship fits into, completely, and therein lies the problem...!

Anon - :|

Chris - Your last paragraph rings true. Maybe I am unnecessarily confused on the matter, or just young and naive.. I don't know..

You have my email :)

sage said...

We want to be loved, but if the love doesn't move into commitment, it has no foundation for long term growth. For love can be effected affected by the emotions... Making a commitment sees on through the high and lows. Am I making sense? probably not.

I got an email from from the author of the book I reviewed. I don't know him, but he'd read my review of his book. He mentioned your comment and said "I would like to get a book to her." I don't know what that means... but you might want to go to his website and send him an email (or drop me an email at sagecoveredhills [at] gmail [dot] com)

Clockworkchris said...

sad to say your email was lost with many others when my gmail had a 15 second hack. I occasionally make people mad. One day all the mail and addresses were gone. I don't use outlook so no backups. Write me just hello-I will write back. Mine is posted real big on the site. :)

Gordie said...

I understand your mum's point of view, but I think "second best" is totally the wrong approach to life.

It's not a good idea to make comparisons between people, especially not "love you more /love you less" comparisons. Don't stay with someone you don't love, or who doesn't love you, but if you've got love, be thankful.

Also, you can't compare someone you're not in an intimate relationship with, with someone that you are. That's like comparing shoes with food.

Relationships are practical things and they involve lots of skills, and lots of kinds of compatibility, as well as love.

I think the guy on the TV show loved both the girls, but he's in a relationship with one of them. That doesn't make the other one second best; it just means that he's being faithful and responsible, and good for him.

Arash Farzaneh said...

I think you can love someone in different degrees, but if it's "true love" then you act less on selfish reasons. For example, if the guy really loved the girl, he would leave his girlfriend and go with her.

We always have to make decisions who we want to be with. True love to me is both a rational and an emotional decision. If the two parts don't coincide there could be problems.

Leila said...

Gordie - You raise a point that I had never considered. My gut reaction is to disagree, but I'll definitely have to think some on that.

Arash - Hmmm, true love, rational? I think some people may disagree with that :) Me, I don't know!

Gordie said...

Thanks, Leila. I'm cool with you disagreeing with me, because you were there on the scene, and I got it second hand. My advice to you right now is to get more sensitive to what other people actually are, and what's moving them, because then you will have a much clearer image of them.

Erick said...

Love is definitely complicated. However, when it's right, it's right--there are no mind games. I know I have a lot of female friends that I love on a certain level but there's a difference between loving someone and being 'in love' with them. There isn't a magic moment where it hits you - I think falling in love is a gradual process. Do I think it's possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time? That's a tough one that comes down to your own subjective perception of what love is to YOU. If you love someone, it's inherently natural to not hurt them, and to distance yourselves from things that will upset them. So I think you ultimately have to choose between one or the other...that is, unless it's an orgy free for all, and everyone's cool with that. ;) (Please note, I don't think there are any experts on love...just ppl that have been through things that are more familiar than others. It's not a science..although science definitely can explain 'love' on the chemical level.)