Finding truth

There is no end to truth

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When hurt makes you feel real, it's easy to cause yourself pain without thinking twice. Surely it's better than feeling nothing, better than being numb?

Any extreme seems to fold at its end, onto itself. Somehow extreme pleasure and pain are equatable..

Who is to say what is good and what is bad? Could it be that there is no good or bad, everything just 'is'...?

I always ask myself what I 'should be' feeling, countless times I rememer proclaiming, "I don't know what I should feel". Looking back, all I wanted was to feel what I 'should have' felt, what anyone else would have felt in my situation, not wanting to be taken advantage of, taken for a fool, or to seem..strange I suppose. Possibly the answer was to feel whatever I felt inside, and if it were nothing then so be it.

So sometimes it is better to be numb..

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Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air

(...)

I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.

Now no joy but lacks salt
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain

Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.

When stiff and sore and scarred
I take away my hand
From leaning on it hard
In grass and sand,

The hurt is not enough.
I long for weight and strength
To feel the earth as rough
To all my length.

---------------------'To Earthward'- Robert Frost--------------